You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
