the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
