I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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