Whod you bang
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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