dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
