im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
