He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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