If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
