Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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