I want you more than these girls want KFC
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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