Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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