You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
