he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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