He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
