I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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