There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
