apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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