you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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