What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
