high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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