He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
