HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
