Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
barbara walters just said penis...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
