whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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