I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
