did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
