No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
