when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
