i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
