Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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