you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
