i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
