Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
