You work out of a Hotel?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
