remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
