I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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