Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
