You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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