He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
