I must be too annoying 4 u.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
