I like to think it a success when the cops are called
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
