She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my shit smells like andre
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
