I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
