There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize