Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
