He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
