I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
