Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
