just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
