I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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