Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize