On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
