well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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