Apparently you make a good broom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
