Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
