Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
