Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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