Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
