dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
