I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize