I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
