the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
