Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
