Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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