You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
