Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
