Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
