you didnt know i had herpes?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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