just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
