Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
