the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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