What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
