Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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