I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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