The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
