The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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