dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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