I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
