When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
