I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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